just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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