wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
