In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
