so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
