I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
