I'm so fucking centered right now
You just made me feel so damn special
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
