Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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