wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
