he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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