Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
