Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
