so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
where am i from again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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