I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
