I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
