As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
