just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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