You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i now understand why vodka
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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