i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
