i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
