Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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