You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
