Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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