I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
