he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
