I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
