she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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