the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
