apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
