I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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