Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
