last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
