remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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