What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize