Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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