i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
