why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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