Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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