Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
