Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is Oprah even human
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
