She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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