glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
