This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
