I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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