just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
