I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
