You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
