is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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