That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Banned from zoo.
Again?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
