So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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