K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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