First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
