Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
