im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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