I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
