come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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