So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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