At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
