We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
