the condom got lost in my hair
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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