I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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