idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
