Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
