I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize