saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
