So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
