I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mom said you looked used
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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