Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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