I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
