im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
