We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
