I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
