the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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