i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
