if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
