I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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