I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
4 words: hood of his car
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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