So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
