I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
