How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
