rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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