I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
