Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
