Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
