I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
