Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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