he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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