I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
