i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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