i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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